Kevin Baldeosingh
If asked the question in this headline, nearly everyone would say that they are a “good parent”. But that response is quite meaningless, for two reasons: one, human beings tend to over-estimate their competence for nearly everything; and, two, parents tend to define “good” to match whatever they do in respect to their children.
The best measure of how good a parent you are is, of course, your child. And even that measure is variable, depending on whether the child has some serious psychological problem, as one to two per cent of children do, or whether you as a parent have a support network. It is much easier to be a good parent if the family unit includes father and mother, as well as grandmothers, and if the household is financially secure.
If, however, you are a single mother (or father) struggling to make ends meet, being a good parent in any meaningful sense is well-nigh impossible. But such persons aren’t likely to be reading this kind of column anyway.
However, for the average parent, researchers in Western societies have identified four parenting types, one of which has been shown to have better outcomes for children. (“Better outcomes” are measured by emotional stability, good academic performance, positive relationships with peers and parents.) These four types are:
(1) Uninvolved parents: Characterised by low levels of rule setting, low harsh discipline, low autonomy, low material rewarding, low discipline, low positive parenting, and low ignoring.
(2) Authoritarian Parents: Characterised by high rule setting, high harsh discipline, high autonomy, moderate material rewarding, high discipline, moderate positive parenting and moderate ignoring.
(3) Indulgent parents: Characterised by low rule setting, low harsh discipline, high autonomy, high material rewarding, low discipline, high positive parenting, and low ignoring.
(4) Authoritative parents: Characterised by high rule setting, low harsh discipline, moderate autonomy, low material rewarding, low discipline, high positive parenting, and low ignoring.
Let’s put these categories in local layperson’s terms. The uninvolved parent (1) is the one who lets their children “run wild”—go out when they want, lime with who they want, come back home when they want, never praises them. The authoritarian parent (2) is the kind of shares out licks for any infraction and tells the child to obey without question and rarely gives praise or affection. The indulgent parent (3) is the kind who spoils their children, praises them to the skies for everything, and gives them whatever they want. And the authoritative parent (4) is the kind who continually talks to their child, doesn’t beat but punishes by taking away privileges, gives praise and affection continually, and always explains reasons to the child for their actions.
Needless to say, this last category is the rarest kind of parent in Trinidad and Tobago. But the research shows that the children whose parents use this style are more likely to be self-disciplined, goal-oriented, and social. It should be noted, however, that when East Asian parents are tested on their parenting style, they tend to be more authoritarian yet their children have good outcomes in a way that the children of authoritarian Western parents don’t. This may be because East Asian parents make their child an absolute priority, so the children interpret authoritarianism as affection.
So, now that you have this information, consider the question again: what kind of parent are you?
