A few weeks ago someone reached out to me regarding their daughter sleeping in the same bed. I already have a blog in the works regarding the whole co-sleeping thing so I won’t get into this here, but the mom wanted the kid out and she wanted my help, so we will deal with that today.
Based on the age of the child I figured it was time to have a frank discussion. Mom and Dad need adult time and we need it at night. That means I cannot continue to fall asleep in your bed and stay there all night. I need to be able to give your daddy “good time.”
“Good time” means I am still awake and I am not halfway falling asleep on myself.
This right here is why sex must not be explained to children as a plague to be avoided. Sex was created by God and has the power to speak in ways that no other language can and while we try to avoid it, men need it. That’s science, so get over it.
The world has perverted sex. This is the reason that so many women are struggling to be intimate with their husbands or why husbands have a totally perverted concept of what it should look like.
At age 8, Jess is fully aware that sex is a glorious act created by God but it is very powerful and just like uncontained water, if sex is not kept within the confines of a committed relationship such as marriage then it can be very dangerous.
Sex is like water—useful but dangerous if not contained.
Now to be able to explain it this way, of course there also has to be an understanding that we believe in marriage only once and that the havoc caused by divorce is far worse than the discomfort felt when mommy leaves you at night to go sleep with daddy.
No child wants their parents to divorce. Every child wants their parents to be happy and every child is innately selfish (yes its science, they haven’t quite grasped the idea of others before themselves yet but they will once you consistently show them by example). If we parent with the notion that children are selfish then we will lead off the discussion with “what’s in it for them?”
Mommy and daddy having alone time helps keep the marriage healthy and that means our chances of divorce are lower. Us staying together ultimately benefits you (let them say why divorce would affect them).
When mommy and daddy have sex then we are in a better frame of mind and will be better able to patiently listen to your challenges.
Depending on the age of the child you can even crack a joke “after sex would be a wonderful time to ask for that iPhone.”
Sex needs to be discussed openly. Children must know that there are great benefits to it. Help them to understand the power it carries.
This way they can have a healthy respect for it and place it in its rightful place.
If children knew how the very same act that can be super beneficial in the right context can also be super harmful in the wrong one then their selfish nature will kick in.
They will choose success when they are older and they will hold out longer and they will allow mommy/daddy time when they are younger because they are smart enough to figure out that happy parents equal happy kids.
Marsha Riley
